Epiphany #3012

One of the more interesting aspects of living through your thirties is the fact that you keep experiencing great moments of realisation – or at least personal conclusions that come to you in a flash.

Humans have a desire to label everything, fitting all things physical and psychological into a nice neat box. Your early years are filled with learning all the labels which have been pre-defined for you, by those who came before. Your teens and early twenties are filled by challenging these accepted labels – to pretty much find out that they are beyond challenge. Then come the thirties. And this is the time where you start reflecting on those things which remain without label – and a great deal of those things reside within your own personal character. The beauty of this is that, unless you specifically request it, nobody is going to challenge you on your beliefs about yourself. I would imagine that this stage continues until your forties, at which point you have labelled everything you consider worthy and are at a point of comfort. This probably lasts until your fifties, at which point you have no desire to label anything any more – and just accept. I will let you know.

So back to the ever so deep, introspective thirties and today’s epiphany. Actually it is not today’s epiphany at all – the realisation came to me some time ago, but I want to state it here, as it is a major reason why I am continuing this blog.

When I started taking photography more seriously, and by that I mean creating an image as I pre-visualised it rather than spontaneously recording a moment or scene, I was drawn to it and influenced dramatically by photographs taken by others. I believe this is a perfectly normal place to be and, other than those bursting with a desire to express themselves on any media available, is probably the most common point to begin. You are drawn to pretty pictures, of the postcard type as they instantly satisfy the aesthetic thirst inside everyone. What follows is that you measure every photograph, whether taken or not, with an internally stored database of photos you have seen and which have appealed to you previously. Over time as you explore the photographical world deeper, this database expands, and so your photographic abilities expand. The result is you are still seeing your photographs as being successful or not based on whether they conform to a pre-defined set of acceptance criteria – all based on what you have seen before. This happens subconsciously to the point where you truly believe you are creating your own work; but the fact is that it is just a more complex formula fitting the criteria of what you know to be successful from other people’s photographs.

To some degree this has its uses. Attempting to replicate others work allows you to learn the technical aspects of photography. Even though you are not exactly copying another photograph, you are looking at styles of others, composition and some of the “rules” and in so learning the fundamentals of how things are achieved. However, once you are technically capable of producing a feeling as desired within a photograph you then fall into a slumber. You are in fact not really expressing yourself, just re-expressing what others have expressed previously.

The epiphany in all this, for me at least, was realising that I was taking pictures for others – and in each of my photographs I was grading its success on how it fitted in with other photographers’ successful work. It was quite an easy realisation, as I stopped enjoying taking photographs – I became bored with the facsimile type approach and realised that I don’t really care what others think of my photographs. Praise for your work is always a very pleasant experience; however for as many people who enjoy one of your photographs, there will be many who do not. The solution here for me is to ensure that I take photographs that I enjoy. By the law of averages there will probably be others who also enjoy what I see in it, and even if there isn’t, at least I can enjoy my own work. That enjoyment is now based on the actual content of that photograph, not how it measures against any other photographs previously taken.

This has completely changed the way I take photographs. Right now I really could not give a damn about how aesthetically pleasing a shot is, but if the photo tells a tale about an emotion I have at the time, or reflects some notion in which I believe or makes me smile – then that is what I want to capture.

With this realisation in hand, another realisation becomes clear – I am in my teens to twenties within my photographic life.

Finally, the reason why this is relevant to this blog is that this blog is the only way I can share these photographs. I have shot, and will continue to shoot for stock, however the type of photographs I am describing here are in no way suitable for stock, unless by coincidence. An online gallery also does not seem the correct way to host these photographs as there is no room for comment, even comment from within the photograph. So this is where they shall reside.

I Blinked and I Missed It

After 4 weeks of contract negotiations, with the issues still not settled but on good faith, I decided to fly to Bangladesh. If only it had been that simple. First attempt resulted in my credit card being blocked for fraud prevention reasons, leaving me with no way to pay for the ticket. That was the first in a catalogue of errors.

One week later I find myself back in Thailand, after one failed trip to the airport to fly, followed by 4 days of more contract negotiations, followed by an actual departure and arrival. Upon arrival things went from bad to worse and the appropriate course of action seemed to be calling it a day - which I did - and after 2 days in Bangladesh flew back to Bangkok. So, that chapter is closed before it was written - and leaves this blog in a kind of limbo. It was, after all, the purpose of this blog to track my time in Bangladesh!!

Whilst I decide what to do with this blog, I will leave you with this, which is amongst a very small number of observations of Bangladesh, within my even smaller amount of time there.

Why is it that the less appealing a country is to enter, the harder it is to do so?

I have never in my travels come across a larger nor more complex immigration card (a fully fledged form) than the one needed to enter Bangladesh. Having to state the exact weight of gold you are carrying is quite straight forward for me, none. Ditto silver, gems and chickens. Detailed precisely on the form is what is permitted and from this what is not. For example, a 19" television is OK, 21" a definite no no.

One of the benefits of such bureaucracy is that it is so impractical that nobody ever bothers to check it fully. Not so in Bangladesh. One of the questions, and admittedly not an unusual or unfair one, was to state in which hotel I would be staying. Now here is the crux - I was not staying in a hotel, I would be staying in a guest house provided for me, the name or address of which I had no idea. To try and explain this on the form would have been impossible (the space reserved for each of your answers prohibited anything more than three letters), and to try and explain it to the immigration officials would certainly be a headache. What do you do in these situations? Lie of course. I have never been quizzed on this before; a believable hotel name is usually more than acceptable.

In actual fact, had I been more astute I would have been fine, but I tried too be to truthful. I had heard that other people I knew were staying in "The Manhattan Hotel", so that is what I put. The problem being is that I had made a mistake, and there is no "Manhattan Hotel" in Dhaka; a fact the immigration officials knew. I would have breezed through had I put "Sheraton" (always a good assumption), but that fact that I had put a hotel down which didn't exist was cause for great concern.

After being quizzed about this for a few moments, I realised the best way out of this was to lie a bit better. I successfully managed to convince them that the Manhattan was another name for the Sheraton - and as it sounds quite similar in Bengali (oh yes it does) - they were quite happy with this. In fact things started going much better after the mere mention of the word "Sheraton".

Naturally after they checked my baggage for 21" televisions, I was free to enter... and then leave again two days later.

Strangely Reflective

You need to be inside my head to see the relevance of this photo.

Maybe you want to give it a go and see in how many ways this photograph reflects my current state of mind? It aint pretty - but pretty pictures are boring - and ever so easy. Crap pictures are even easier - but it is quite satisfying to take a crap picture, that is exactly as you fell at the time.

As a side note, this is the first post from my new dedicated blogging computer. That may be stretching the truth somewhat - as I dare say I will be forced to use it for less stimulating tasks (in the name of chasing the cash cow) - but I dare say myself and my electronic blogging compadres will experience some choppy times ahead.

Departure 10:30AM - Saturday 6th May 2006. Can't wait.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Link: George Bush and Steve Bridges Movie

I could probably write for an hour about this particular movie - but why bother when the man does it himself, so well?

Who Would Ever Have Thought?

Well, I have been in and now have a suitable supply of health - which should last until next week.

I am however concerned that my newly purchased health will be confiscated upon arrival in Bangladesh - let's face it, no prizes for spotting someone in possession of an abundance of health in that environ.

I need to prepare for my life in stasis now.